Stone Age

Insomnia.
It is raining.
The cat is curled up on the corner of the bed.  Asleep.
 I am not.
I have a few things on my mind.
I should not have eaten teriyaki last night.
Salty.
I am trying not to think about being thirsty.
No water after midnight.
It's only one.
Long way to go till I can drink water again.
Pretend I am lost in the desert.
The rain teases me.
Water. Water. Water.

The Titanic sailed one hundred years ago. 

On April 13th, the people aboard had no idea that on April 14th 

they would hit an iceberg.

Life is like that. Lots of icebergs.

One hundred years ago, yesterday, tomorrow-

we just never know what lurks beneath the surface.

One doesn't always know a kidney stone is there lurking in the body

until one feels the unmistakeable pain of that tiny rock moving down the ureter.

That something so small could cause so much pain is amazing to me.

Louise L. Hay, the holistic health guru, says in her book,  Heal Your Body,
 that kidney stones are "balls of unexpressed anger."
Gee. I didn't know I was so angry.
I've lost count of how many kidney stones I've had in my life time.
My first was thirty-five years ago when I was eighteen.
I'm having lithotripsy at eleven in the morning to dissolve all that "unexpressed anger. "
To pulverize it with up to 300 electrical shocks to my kidney.
I think therapy is less painful
but I guess calcium is harder to crack than the psyche.

An iceberg sank the Titanic.
A tiny stone can bring you to your knees. Ask Goliath.
Or me.
None of us is unsinkable.

Water.

A Lot to Think About

I'm thinking about the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.
I'm thinking about the sinking of our family business.
I'm thinking about the sinking of the housing market.
I'm thinking about the sinking of my heart.
I'm thinking about the sinking of a hole in one.
I'm thinking about the sinking of nations.
I'm thinking about the sinking of fortunes.
I'm thinking about the sinking of hopes.
I'm thinking about the sinking of dreams.

I'm thinking about how taken by surprise we are by the sinking of anything.

I'm thinking about those people in steerage holding their children's hands.
I'm thinking about my mother holding on to my father's legacy.
I'm thinking about all the people trying to hold on to their homes.
I'm thinking about how much I've held on to the past.
I'm thinking about chance.
I'm thinking about our country.
I'm thinking about how much I don't believe in the stock market.
I'm thinking about Molly Brown.
I'm thinking about how how quickly the time goes.

I'm thinking about hard it is to let go.

I'm thinking about lifeboats.
I'm thinking about being rescued.
I'm thinking about bale outs.
I'm thinking about memory.
I'm thinking about victory.
I'm thinking about idealism.
I'm thinking about luck.
I'm thinking about courage.
I'm thinking about the present.

I'm thinking about grace.

I'm thinking about sacrifice.
I'm thinking about loyalty.
I'm thinking about families.
I'm thinking about gratitude.
I'm thinking about optimism.
I'm thinking about nobility.
I'm thinking about blessing.
I'm thinking about choice.
I'm thinking about breath.

I'm thinking about friendship.

I'm thinking about myth.
I'm thinking about story.
I'm thinking about lies.
I'm thinking about secrets.
I'm thinking about heroes.
I'm thinking about war.
I'm thinking about generosity.
I'm thinking about willpower.
I'm thinking about love.

I'm thinking about death
and how it comes
and how surprised we are
when it does.

I'm thinking about saying what needs to be said.
I'm thinking about doing what I've put off.
I'm thinking about taking risks.
I'm thinking about destiny.
I'm thinking about strength.
I'm thinking about hitting a home run.
I'm thinking about standing up.
I'm thinking about doing the right thing.
I'm thinking about passion.

I'm thinking about my life.